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september 1st

7 days to go. 

Tention is building within me. I feel I get irritated real fast and thoughts are running through my head like a bullet. Often I try to talk to myself. Telling myself its gonna be allright, she's gonna make it. But at the same time the worst scenarios are running in my mind. You think af everything when she doesn't make it. The funeral is with al its details is playing like a movie, the music that we should choose etc. And how positive I try to be, this is something thats a part if reality to. Let's all hope that we read this back in 8 days and know then that they were fiction thoughts. We calles the cardiologist back, cause she wanted to know how things ware going. And taking al in mind she's doing oke, de dose of Lasix  is appearing to do his work and she looks quieter. 

2 little princesses on the couch

september 5th

3 days to go.

We have taken Summer to the hospital, for her and our rest, because thats what we are gonna need the next couple of days. Just gave her a bath and she's sleeping right now. Not a clue what's gonaa happen in the next days. 
Everyday a step closer to the operating table. Realising that is choking me. You know so well what can happen and dont want to think about it, but you cant help it. The 48 hours after the operation are the critical ones, her body has to show that it can handle the new situation. We take courage from all that have preseded us. Last week, when Summer got out of the hospital, they operated on a boy. Now we hear he goes home tomorow. So fast can it go. 
On thursday they will take some blood from Summer and Arenka, because of the transfusion, but luckily all the other investigations are over. Then the aneastehesiast and surgeon will tell us everything.
It's allready difficult to think about the moment we bring her in the OR and tell her goodbye. I allready know I will say 'see you later' because she's gonna make it.
What a strange being is a man, thinking back at day 1 and the thought 'if you go today, it's allright' and then looking at now when you only think "stay because we love you so much' its all so weird and at the same time human.
Because if this little girl looks at you with her big eyes whom radiate love, there's no choice then to love her. And thats what we three do, very much. 

september 5th 6 pm

It's 6 pm and the story has taking a strange turn. A minute ago dr. Rijlaarsdam, the cardiologist, has calles us to tell us there's a open space in the OR tomorow because someone got ill. If it is possible that Summer takes that place. We say yes because it stops the time to worry. And then we maybe know before the weekend if it all went right. If our little one has made it.
Tomorowmorning at 8 it's gonna happen. Whats going through our minds now is indiscribeble. Arenka went to the Hospital to draw blood.
In the morning we say 'till later' and round 1 pm alls ready and the waiting begins in the ICU.

I will try to write on thursday what has happened, till then keep your fingers crossed for our little one.


Copyright 2001 Rob Breedeveld