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septembre 6th

Today is the day. At 7.15 AM we are in the hospital and are washing Summer before the operation. She gets a little apron and now we wait untill it's time for me to take her to the O R. I am realising that its so vunerable. We wait till 8.45 am before I take her to the O R.

laying with mum for a while.

There I will wait with her untill she sleeps. I will give her a kiss and tell her till later.
And then the long wait untill noon begins, untill they tell us how she's doing. About 12 pm they tell us it's gonna be awhile. around 1 pm we are picked up and the waiting begins untill they are ready in the ICU.
The surgeon comes to tell us that the operation was a succes and the tention flows away for a short moment, very short because she nit doing so well yet.
They take us to ICU and there still are working in her to connect all the wires. While we are waiting there, her bloodpressure drops and there's a slight panic. They use a balloon to let her breath and I pull Arenka away to sit down and wait in a little distance. I sit down on the ground because I feel myself getting dizzy.
This was the first crisis Summer experienced.

septembre 7th

I sleep in the hospital and Arenka went home to be with Merel who refuses to sleep anywhere else then at home. She doesnt understand much about daddy's not sleeping home and is very sad.
In the hospital I lay in a room in a closed ward and I hear a lot of sounds around me. Everytime a door opens I jump up because I realise myself that something can happen at anytime now and thats scary.
Around 1.30 am everything is wrong. A resident is getting me out of bed because Summer is in a major crisis. I decide to let Arenka sleep untill I know more. I myself dont realise for full what is happening at this time.
In the ICU they leave me alone in a room. The waiting there is the longest and hardest I ever experienced. The most terible things go through your mind and you think your worst nightmare is getting real, your baby is not gonna make it. I call on every high power to let guard her and protect her. I believe everybody has an guardian angel and I ask the one thats with Summer to get her well. After half an hour the crisis is over. 
Then the realisation strikes me that it really was on the edge. The headdoctor of ICU and cardiologist were called out of their beds . And with 5 men they fought to get Summer out of the crisis. Now they know what happens.
Summer's longues are used to a high pressure that they have experienced for the last 7 weeks and they responded with pressure to keep it balanced.
But now, after the operation, the pressure is normal. Only her longues arent getting that yet, so with the smallest trigger they respond and the longues collapse and she cant breath. The trigger is fluid what builds up in her longues. They suck this fluid out every few hours and that are the critical moments. The rest of the night I lay awake and visit her every time i feel like it. Arenka I leave alone, now the danger is gone.

In the morning Arenka calls the ICU and gets to hear what happened, she is scared. I can't cry, everything is stuck inside me.
Through the day Summer isnt'  getting any better and they give her some more drugs to keep her stabel. She's in a very unstable balance and it can go either way. In the next few days there has to be a turning point, what means she either gets better quick or gets worse quick, and the wait is for that moment.
our little lady doesnt seem to do anything anymore, she is in a intentional coma so she can't suffer from any stress. We got some pics of that time but we put them on another page so you can decide if you want to look at them.

Click here to look at those pictures.


septembre 9th

We are living for 3 days between hope and dispear and sometimes the dispear is greater then the hope and I don't believe in it anymore.
Other moments I sit beside her bed and talk to her, tell her I trust in her, that she has to fight, that we don't want to loose her, that she has to come home.
The turning point hasn't arrived yet but we are carefully positive.
Her drugs are being reduced in little steps. Today 2 drugs are gone. And untill now everything is okay. The drug that makes her paralyzed is taken of to and there's some movement. 
She reacts to my talking and tries to breath herself, something the machine doesnt allow. But she's fighting.
Today a painkiller is reduced and morfine is taken it's place. The oxygine is reduced to in little steps.
Now the tears flow and I cry a lot on her bedside. But she's fighting and she has to make it. With our support and the support of everyone around us.
Fight little girl!!!! I dont accept your leaving............

septembre 10th

In little steps she's fighting. Today some more drugs are taking off and some nitrogene is taken off. Thats scary because thats what prevents her longues from collapsing. The next days we will know is she has made it and the turning point is hetting closer.
That our Summer is coming back is obvious in the way she bothered the nurses yesterday. She awoke and started moving around. When she does that the monitoring went bezerk. Because she is getting to tired they  made her more sleepy again.
But untill now everything appears to go the right way.
Daddy is in the hospital since the day she got operated and keeps watch.
Because of the crisis wednesdaynight I awake every night around 2 am and check on Summer to see if everything is okay. The trauma is in my head.

This is Marleen, one of the sweet nurses whom take good care of her 
and are making sure she is making it.

septembre 12th

The battle is almost over. Summer doesnt get any nitrogene anymore and is doing well. She's awake regularly and today she can try to breath on her own for a bit. In little stpes she will take over the work of the machine.
It looks like she has taking the turning the right way around but I don't wanna chaar just yet. The trauma of wednesday is zo big that I have to wait and see.

Summer is awake and is looking around, they tie her up right away
cause those little hands grab everything


Copyright 2001 Rob Breedeveld